Bhakta Bob

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Pavan’s Press is proud to present our first Guest Editorial From Bhakta Bob.

Editor’s note: Ever notice how all these short-lived and sentimental devotee newsletters usually feature this highly-idealistic just-shaved-up semi-brahmachary writing for them named Bhakta Bob? I mean like, where are all the acharyas? Have they run out of ink?

Maybe Bhakta Bob is just some composite personality because his stuff appears here, there, everywhere. He’s the guy the “acharyas” convince into writing inspired yet basic stuff, inspiring stuff that makes your eyes wet, but from which you practically learn very little. And even though Bhakta Bob has had a lot of experience in writing cutsie copy, a lot of Bhakta Bob’s quasi-ISKCON-stuff seems to rest in the mundane. Truly. Does anyone remember those two Latin words Prabhupada used to separate the gurus from the posers: “bona fide”? Did anyone read “I Love Riding Around on My Bicycle” by Bhakta Bob Somebody on one of those “official” sites of ISKCON?

Not only that, but many of these well-meaning “Bhakta Bob ideas”—like the lukewarm milquetoast of Uni-faith’s “religious harmony” and “coming-togetherism” —are just NOT what Prabhupada had in mind. Truly compromising with those who kill cows in the name of religious freedom is at best a questionable activity when placed against preaching the true and very pure values of sanatan-dharma.

Well, with these words as our caveat, whether uttered in fear or doubt, we bring you an obligatory Vaishnava Newsletter “Bhakta Bob” piece, as mandated by an official directive received today from the “God Brotherly Council” and signed by the Minister of Printing Everything Bhakta Bob Ever Writes!” It is our hope that our Bhakta Bob has matured in devotion and his tender creeper of bhakti has flowered since his many yeoman contributions to ISKCON’s spin on yogic trivia and Hindu guesswork. We don’t want to bore you with the facts any longer, and we hope that you’ll send Bhakta Bob your letters of encouragement for his fine attempt below.

Anyhow, with introductions out of the way, Bhakta Bob herewith waxes sentimental over American folk songs in his latest piece “My Favorite Song”: -Ed.

My Favorite Song
by Bhakta Bob

Today it’s a given that thinking any worthwhile thoughts has fallen out of vogue. True, there are few amongst us who actually don’t think that life is a joke, and use the brain for its intended purpose. Way back when before the video game and television made a nation of absolute jerks and morons, among that group of descending IQ’s we call “The Americans,” family sing-alongs were a means by which people bonded. Women spread the sacred rays of their motherhood upon their children who imbibed many wonderful moral principles through singing along with Mom. And the lessons offered in old Irish ballad form had more twists than a double feature at the movies. Nowadays women no longer confer their fine qualities of selfless motherhood upon their children. The up and coming population would hardly make a rodent mom proud.

No, these days women have abortions and then go shop at Victoria’s Secret Underwear Supply House in preparation for the next one. Hey, has anybody out there ever actually seen a picture of Queen Victoria? My Ford Crown Victoria looks better. Whatever her secrets were, I’m sure that her husband had more! Like how to slip out the back door at bedtime! Anyway, this is an essay on folk songs, and I’m afraid that I’m being led astray here by my rascal mind!

As a boy, one of my favorite American folk songs went like this:
”Where the wind never blows and the sun never shines,
It’s dark as a dungeon way down in the mines…”

I was always intrigued by a place where there could be no wind, and darkness abounds. But of course after a long hard day in the mines, at least for the miners there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and everybody comes up from underground. When they get home, they’d sing about what an absolute hell it is down there and everybody became happy. The next day they’d go back to work. Work, eat, sing, sleep, repeat.

However, according to Shri Ishopanishad there really is such a place of (nearly) everlasting darkness where the demonic enemies of the Lord are sent directly upon leaving this world. This is the hellish region of this Universe called Naraka, which is described in the Fifth Canto of the Shrimad Bhagavatam. This ancient Vedic knowledge is the source of all knowledge of hell, as also narrated in all Mleccha Shastras like the Bible.

Shrila Sukadeva Goswami Maharaja describes these horrible hells to Maharaja Parikshit, as well as their location, for those who still have doubts. The Naraka region is just above the Garbhodaka Ocean, beneath Patala Loka. There the agents of Lord Yamaraja, the sheriff enforcer of the universe who is mentioned in the Gita as a part representative of Lord Krishna, punish debauchers, liars, spiritual posers, meat-eaters, unfaithful disciples who treat their guru maharaja with callousness and a lack of respect and other rascal non-devotees.

Perhaps the greatest darkness of mankind is to declare oneself “as God” or having become “one with God” or “Supreme Enjoyer” or any other folly based upon impersonal falsehood. Any philosophy that asserts equality with the all-pervasive Supreme Lord is based upon enviousness of Shri Krishna. Shri Krishna alone is the Supreme Enjoyer and anyone who tries to assume His post and enjoy extravagantly here in this world of mindless sense gratification—including men dressed in the cloth of renunciation—will feel the sharp sword-like leaves of Asipatravana (where trees have leaves sharper than scimitars). Bloodthirsty refugees from the steak and chop houses will be tortured by the rurus of Maharaurava where meat-eaters go for a good long time (before being reborn as animals for slaughter).

Shri Krishna alone is actually the One Without a Second and the Supreme Enjoyer of All Yagnas. The living entity’s true position and eternal shelter is found by serving His lotus feet, and for those who generate nothing but bad karma, their reward will be the bitter fruits of suffering in hell.

Shri Ishopanishad (3) states:

asurya nama te loka andhena tamasavritah
tams te pretyabhigacchanti ye ke chatma-hano janah

“The killer of the soul, whoever he may be, must enter into the worlds of the faithless, full of darkness and ignorance.”

A means “not” and sura means “pleasure.” Shrila Prabhupada explains. Hence, demons enjoying sinful things such as illicit sex, intoxication and meat-eating are doomed to suffer a demonic fate. Asurya has also been explained as “the place of no Sun.” And the best way to appreciate the Sun is to be without his life giving rays for as it is said ‘You never know what you have until you no longer have it”. No wonder brahmans pray to the sun, and brave kshatriyas attain to the Sun planet by dying in battle. Karna became the supreme warrior and world’s most generous man because he was the son of the Sun. Verily, the Sun is the universal life giver and localized incarnation of Lord Narayana. Hence, we worship the Sun God as Lord Surya-Narayana, and pray to him at each of the day’s tri-sandhyas, morning (where night meets day), noon (where morning meets afternoon) and sunset (where day meets night).

So the irony is that those who claim to have found the eternal white light of oneness must go to a place where there is no Sun. Some have interpreted this as one of the many meanings of asurya nama te loka or “to the place named for having no sun.” This is confirmed in the next line which reminds us of the hell called Andhatamishra, where horrible darkness pervades every inch. Those janam or persons who are atma-hanas, killer of souls, must suffer these unwholesome domains for a very long time. Shrila Prabhupada used to show us the shadow and say, “This is shadow and this is the light. Choose which one you want. This is your choice. Choose Krishna or maya. As Prabhupada reminded us with every issue of his own magazine, Back to Godhead:

krishna surya sama moya hoy andhakara
yahan krishna tahan nahi moyara adhikara

“Lord Shri Krishna is like the sun, while maya is nescience. Where there is Krishna there is no nescience.”

We are lucky indeed—for Shrila Prabhupada has paved the way and has unlocked the door to the realms of transcendence, the land of eternal light that lies on the other side of the Brahmajyoti. There beyond the impersonal rays of the Absolute where Shri Krishna is the undisputed King of Vraja and Lord.

We will not be like so-called Christians who believe that God will make His only son suffer with nails in his hands so everyone can get drunk on Christmas and seduce their secretaries! No, this is mode of ignorance rascaldom and the devotee cannot tolerate such offenses unto the lotus feet of his Guru Maharaja. He will not enjoy at the expense of the guru’s suffering, what to speak of committing sins on the strength of chanting. So we will all go back to Godhead, back to the Land of Krishna, once we abandon all pretenses to acharya-ship and—through giving up our false egos—humbly surrender to the divine lotus feet of Shrila Prabhupada through his immortal writings. Humble service alone is the devotee’s true example. It was Shrila Prabhupada’s example that left behind, to quote Shrila Bhaktivinode Thakur, his “footsteps in the sands of time.” From time to time the sense gratifier in saffron should ask himself, “What sort of reputation am I leaving behind?”

So now, as a new Bhakta called simply as “Bhakta Bob” I have heard the glories of Shrila Prabhupada and have dived into his nectarean shastras. Wonderfully, I have renounced any and all attachments to hokey American folk songs about mundane birth, death, etc. Now, my favorite song forevermore is:

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.

Yours truly,
“Bhakta Bob”

1. “Dear Bhakta Bob, Your writing shows, maybe, some potential. Please keep up the good work, anyway. And you can come clean our toilets so we’ll bless you with great renown for your literary talent.” –The Godbrother Council.

2. “Dear Godbrother Council, What gives? Individually you all like me, but collectively you despise me. Is that fair or are you just a bunch of politicians?” -Bhakta Bob

3. Hmmmm. Such is the pack mentality whose overall judgments and opinions override that of the individual members of the secret society. Any wild animal expert will tell you that this “dog pack” instinct is absolutely necessary for survival. –Ed.

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